| Say hi |
[Jan. 30th, 2010|04:53 pm] |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|11:43 pm] |
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I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|09:32 pm] |
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On days that you say you can't make it over, I cheer myself up with thoughts like how I can eat aaaaaaaaall the garlic I want. |
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| Cory |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|08:45 pm] |
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"It was just me at night on a big wide road driving alone and then there this deer was, just out of nowhere, and I hit it. I couldn't believe it. And when I got out of the car it was totally dead, it's head turned around and bloody all over. I dragged it to the side of the road and threw it off into a ditch. I didn't know what I was doing but there it was. That was my past. I was staring down at it." |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2009|01:09 am] |
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2009|10:26 pm] |
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"I felt like I could live inside him. I felt like his problems were my problems. You know, in order to make somebody laugh, you have to be interesting, and in order to be interesting, you have to do things that are mean. Comedy comes out of anger, and interesting comes out of angry; otherwise there isn't any conflict. But he was able to be mean and you forgave him, and you have to be able to forgive somebody." |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|11:23 pm] |
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Do you not want to care? You don't have to care. Tell me how little it means to you, or don't. Hold me before leaving, or don't. I know you don't want to make a big deal out of this, so let's not: you can be sad and devastated but you don't have to be, so you won't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2009|12:07 am] |
It was always nice to keep something from you. I kept thinking that it would be your reason to come back, to ask me about it, like maybe this time I'd tell you, and then you wouldn't have to wonder. If you were even wondering about it, really. It was probably more like, every time you happened to see me you remembered that I was keeping something from you, so you tried to find it out, because that was what had become of how we knew each other - some weird getting but not really knowing. And now I've been dragging it out for too long, it's seeming weird to ask it again, and even weirder to refuse to answer. You've been getting fed up, and reassuring me over and over that it's not that you would judge me because you won't, or I don't have to worry, or what am I so afraid of? Even those are answers I could keep from you, I guess. But what does it matter anyway? You're leaving soon and I'm staying here. You're the one that gets to forget. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|04:24 pm] |
The mother I had in Japan laughed at me when I asked her for some nail polish remover, she said how can you put all that paint on your nails, when you know they can't breathe? Every time I thought I was sick she said it was the temperature, when I had a bad stomach ache tofu was better than rice (but only if I told her a couple days in advance). She cared but after all maybe I preferred my 8 year old sister's advice, which was to always put a hot patch somewhere on your leg, preferably some place she could reach, even if it wasn't sore or you weren't sick or you hadn't said anything at all. I ended up thinking that my Japanese family was a little crazy, like most of us anywhere, like the way they thought I was a little crazy, or really crazy, and especially towards the end when we were both upset at our mutual misunderstandings I think it was easier to say goodbye, but now that I'm home I've been raiding the sink cabinets for nail polish remover and I'm getting frustrated because I feel like I need to but I can't... get... this... stuff... off...
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|10:41 pm] |
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Tonight it's California and this afternoon I mowed the lawn and picked weeds in an old wornout sundress I found in my closet. It's all kind of as if nature would respond to such trying. something's cultivating, just I'm not sure what |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|09:25 am] |
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No longer a reference point but a story |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2009|03:06 am] |
Remember how much you used to like Aimee Mann? The time you told me, the only thing I could think about was how it was the music my mom put on in the house while she did some cleaning. We used to sit across from each other strumming songs like One and Wise Up on your guitar but now it's been ages since we've even met at all, and since we stopped talking I skip through what music of hers I still have, but whenever I hear her playing in a store it's always some sad frenzy of feeling out of place and wanting things back to where they were.
We never really did know each other that well though, so who's to say that after we met our lives just got messier and that we sang ourselves back to where we should have been
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2009|12:11 am] |
( Carsick )
My heart's like it's been stuck in a revolving door or a jamb, just about to leave somewhere, and then not, but always in constant reminder of coming and going. I know what it feels like to stay in a place and feel the people going through you. Or around you. Or asking you to move out of the way, do you have to stand right there? I'm on my way to meet someone. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2009|12:03 am] |
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God the weight, waiting for you. The weight of my head on my hand as I'm lying on my side, the weight in the space of my palm and my ear in which I can hear my heartbeat, reminding me while I'm trying to read that I'm not really reading, but waiting, waiting, waiting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2009|10:57 pm] |
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It's not that everyone is the same, or if it is, it's not that I've given up to thinking that just yet - it's just that maybe everyone all has in them this same place from where they can be the meanest person, from where they can inflict the same kind of pain, to anyone from anywhere, only because they're human. Anyway, maybe it's just as sad after all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|09:32 pm] |
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All day today I was reminded of this dream I can't remember, why do you do that? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2009|10:29 pm] |
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I miss you. In my mind you are these textures of cold toes touching, leather, a foggy car window, split ends, chapped lips, old jeans, the scarves we used to trade, an upset stomach, cigarette smoke, shivering, my mom's white couch, pumpkin pie, the rain. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2009|05:47 pm] |
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Remember that time you called me "darling" as a friend? The way you call someone darling when you're trying to make a point? "I'm sure you understand, right, darling?" The way you hear "sweetheart" in a cruel sentence from a movie, "Listen, sweetheart," as he grabs her wrist and tells her to shut up, darling like I was someone new that mattered but wasn't, darling like "It's over and now I get to call you everything you aren't to me and it means nothing," you just rattled out darling, how could you do that? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2009|12:16 am] |
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It was so easy to look forward to talking to you after all the provisional conversations of pass and pass... I don't mean to say that I'm sifting through speaking with people because I'm not, but how do you go about measuring a shooting star with the same standard as the sun? I know it's in us to connect everything with everything else, but sometimes I want to give you memories all your own, so that when I think of you I use everything in me possible to remember your phenomenon as it is |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|03:35 am] |
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Months and months and months and then I'm your towel, your T-shirt, the jeans that you wore that we both fit into, the scarves that we swapped, an old band name or coffee you liked years ago. Things you could get rid of by realizing you had grown out of them. It's not that I'm losing you to someone else, it's more that I'm losing you to you. |
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auxet's journal